Missing Chapters

I wish I had kept writing during the times when I didn’t know what to say;  I would love to take a peek into my mind over the last couple of years.

I spent a lot of time investigating mysterious health issues that came up out of nowhere.  I fought Fear and often lost.  My running suffered.  I lost weight and gained even more.  I got caught up in painful family matters.  I forgot who I am.  And I cried – a lot.

I wish I could say I’m on the other side of “it,” whatever “it” is, but I don’t know that I am.  I’ve simply begun a new chapter in this unwinding story, and I finally feel compelled to spill my guts again, here in this place that I hold dear.

I can say today that I am in a grateful space – optimistic about the future and acutely aware of the undeserved gifts the Universe has presented to me.

Something extraordinary and wonderful is about to happen.  I already feel the excitement of it before I even know what it is.  I’ve been plodding through the swamp, cold, wet, and miserable, but with dry land in sight and a hope that I would get there soon.  And now here I am at the edge of the muck, climbing out of it and standing here, filthy dirty and covered in shit, wondering what I’m supposed to do next, but knowing whatever it is, it’s better than where I just came from.

Experience tells me that time in the swamp means spiritual growth – an uncomfortable stretching of my skin, a devastating tornado in my mind, and a bloody boxing match with Fear that leads me to a new insight and elevates my soul to new levels of Love.

Now what?